I'm posting two scripts here, but I promise that this time I'm not begging desperately for help.

Here's the final copy of "Dark." It wasn't selected, but I'm hoping someday that I'll revamp it and make it, or hand it over to someone to make. Either way, here's the copy I turned in.

And here's a script that I'm actually interested in having your opinion on. This is the script for the boxing short that I've been handed. I have two weeks to re-write the script. I'm not looking for specific re-writes here as I am for just crazy ideas. What could I do with it?