My dad steered me over to Drunkard.com, where I discovered the 86 Rules of Drinking:

Rule 11. Unacceptable things to say after taking a shot:
a) "Great! Now I'm going to get drunk."
b) "I hate shots."
c) "It's coming back up."

I also discovered a universal sign language that can be used in any bar. This signal was my particular favorite.

Let us spring up out of our sober shells.
We will fly like drunken eagles.