I'm dating a girl named Claire, but whenever I try to type her name into my phone, T9 still assumes that I'm looking to type the work "Blairf." Which, in addition to not being a word, sounds like a something I'd use to describe a slightly upscale vomiting, as in "after my seventh Tanqueray and tonic, I just went and blairfed behind the poplars before rejoining the group on the patio."

Man, I need a new phone.