Hey, the Globes are tomorrow! I totally forgot about it. I need to get some predictions down.

Wait, do I? No, I don't. No one does Golden Globes picks. Because the Golden Globes are insane. It's the weirdest award show that we all pay attention to.

We don't really televise the SAG awards or the DGA awards, but we do have a big show for an award show voted on by less than 90 people of baffling backgrounds. The Hollywood Foreign Press Association is an impressive sounding institution, but their membership is a touch baffling. There's a member from a Bangladesh film magazine, but the film critics for Le Monde and London Times are both denied entry. Plus, most of the voters are non-foreign LA residents who are only part-time journalists, so you have to assume their selections will be a little squirrelly.

And squirrelly they are. Remember when Anna Paquin won Best Actress for "True Blood"? That was hilarious.

I'll do a quick list of predicted winners, along with whoever I think should win. But who knows? By the end of the night, we could be watching Emily Blunt holding up a trophy for Salmon Fishing in the Yemen. This show is bananas.

Let’s do movies first:

 

Motion Picture

Best Motion Picture - Drama
Winner: Zero Dark Thirty
Should Win: Zero Dark Thirty

Best Performance By An Actress In A Motion Picture - Drama
Winner: Jessica Chastain, Zero Dark Thirty
Should Win: Jessica Chastain, Zero Dark Thirty

Best Performance By An Actor In A Motion Picture - Drama
Winner: Daniel Day-Lewis, Lincoln
Should Win: Daniel Day-Lewis, Lincoln

Best Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical
Winner: Les Misérables
Should Win: Silver Linings Playbook

Best Performance By An Actress In A Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical
Winner: Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook
Should Win: Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook

Best Performance By An Actor In A Motion Picture – Comedy or Music
Winner: Hugh Jackman, Les Misérables
Should Win: Bradley Cooper, Silver Linings Playbook

Best Animated Feature Film
Winner: Brave
Should Win: Wreck-It Ralph

Foreign Language Film
Winner: Amour
Should Win: The Intouchables

Best Performance By An Actresss In A Supporting Role In A Motion Picture
Winner: Anne Hathaway, Les Misérables
Should Win: Amy Adams, The Master (I'm not totally sold on this pick. I'm just not as over the moon that Hathaway is so head-and-shoulders above the competition) 

Best Performance By An Actor In A Supporting Role In A Motion Picture
Winner: Tommy Lee Jones, Lincoln
Should Win: Philip Seymour Hoffman, The Master

Best Director – Motion Picture
Winner: Steven Spielberg, Lincoln
Should Win: Kathryn Bigelow, Zero Dark Thirty

Best Screenplay – Motion Picture
Winner: Tony Kushner, Lincoln
Should Win: Tony Kushner, Lincoln

Original Score – Motion Picture
Winner: Alexandre Despat, Argo
Should Win: Alexandre Despat, Argo

Original Song – Motion Picture
Winner: “Skyfall,” Adele
Should Win: “Safe & Sound,” The Civil Wars and Taylor Swift

 

Television

Best Television Series – Drama
Winner: “Homeland”
Should Win: How is “Mad Men” not nominated here? 

Best Performance By An Actress In A Television Series – Drama
Winner: Claire Danes, “Homeland”
Should Win: Claire Danes, “Homeland”

Best Performance By An Actor In A Television Series – Drama
Winner: Damien Lewis, “Homeland”
Should Win: Jon Hamm, “Mad Men”

Best Television Series – Comedy or Musical
Winner: “Modern Family”
Should Win: “Girls”

Best Performance By An Actress In A Television Series – Comedy Or Musical
Winner: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, “Veep”
Should Win: Amy Poehler, “Parks and Recreation” 

Best Performance By An Actor In A Television Series – Comedy Or Musical
Winner: Jim Parsons, “The Big Bang Theory”
Should Win: Louis C.K., “Louie” 

Best Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made For Television
Winner: Game Change, HBO
Should Win: The Hour, BBC America

Best Performance By An Actress In A Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made For Television
Winner: Julianne Moore, Game Change
Should Win: Julianne Moore, Game Change

Best Performance By An Actor In A Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made For Television
Winner: Kevin Costner, Hatfields & McCoys
Should Win: Benedict Cumberbatch, Sherlock

Best Performance By An Actress In A Supporting Role In A Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made For Television
Winner: Maggie Smith, “Downton Abbey: Season 2”
Should Win: Maggie Smith, “Downton Abbey: Season 2”

Best Performance By An Actress In A Supporting Role In A Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made For Television
Winner: Mandy Patinkin, “Homeland”
Should Win: Mandy Patinkin, “Homeland”

 

Wow, I disagreed with the imaginary HFPA in my head more and more as we went along. Mighta tapped into something dark there. 

If you’re watching the Globes, feel free to follow along and see how I did. I, myself, am pretty excited about for the Globes, and the chance to see some classic Tina Fey-Amy Poehler banter during the show. Let’s the Update desk out there and make ‘em do some fake news!