Breaking Down The Oscars, Part One: Almost Definitely Correct Predictions

Breaking Down The Oscars, Part One: Almost Definitely Correct Predictions

This started out as a drinking game post, but I realized I couldn't throw out a drinking game for the Oscars without first predicting what will happen. Therefore: a predictions post, guaranteed to be nigh-foolproof. Feel free to use it in any office pools you do. My vig is 10%.

Every Oscars broadcast has some sort of narrative to it – a neck-and-neck race for Best Actor, a possible surprise for Best Picture, a “will the Academy stay conservative or make the daring choice?”* conversation. So what’s the conversation this year?

*The answer to this is always – always - “go conservative.”

Last year, we assumed this year’s Oscars would be about reacting to the #oscarssowhite controversy. Every branch added new members, pushed out old ones, increased diversity, etc. That had to affect things, right? Maybe we’d get some unusual choices this year!

Nope! We got exactly what we expected (though the nominations are much more diverse this year than last, there just aren't any surprises). But all the diversity directives will affect what is certain to be the theme of this year’s broadcast: this year’s overarching story is going to be “how much will people talk about Trump?” That’s right, guys, this year’s broadcast is going to be about the speeches! What a lot of fun we’re all gonna have.

My Favorite Songs of 2016: Spotify Playlist

This doesn't give anything away in terms of my final rankings, which are still getting rolled out slowly. Instead, I put this list together mixtape-fashion, trying to make it something you can put on and play and get alternately hype and sad, which the sort of musical bipolarism I aspire to create.

I'm slipping it into your locker with a carefully hand-lettered song list and a kitschy title of some kind, probably pulled from one of the song's lyrics. It's recorded on a Maxell High-Bias XLII 110-minute cassette for maximum quality. You slip it quietly into your stereo as you drive home. It's already cued up to track one, ready to define the album's whole tone.

The song comes on, warm and fun, and you smile and roll down the windows.

My Favorite Songs of 2016: Tracks 25-21

My Favorite Songs of 2016: Tracks 25-21

25. "Daddy's Girl" - Natalia Kills

This was one of my more unusual finds of the year – I stumbled across it while trawling iTunes for upbeat songs for a sorority recruitment video – but I’m glad I did, because I don’t think I would have found this artist any other way. Because she has one of the weirdest resumes of anyone I’ve ever seen.

Natalia Kills is actually the stage name of British singer and actress Teddy Sinclair, which is the stage name of Natalia Noemi Keery-Fisher. I highly recommend perusing her Wikipedia, which contains paragraphs like this: 

She ran away from home when she was 14 and shifted her focus away from acting. She has described her teenage years as "degenerate," stating that she tried to set her ex-boyfriend's house on fire while both were in it. She had frequent legal trouble and periodically experienced suicidal depression. She was also briefly involved with a religious cult.

Ranking Every Movie I Saw In 2016, #27: Keanu

Ranking Every Movie I Saw In 2016, #27: Keanu

It was inevitable that the full-length debut from Key and Peele would be compared to their sketch show, and be referred to as “a sketch stretched out into a movie.” Remember how the Simpsons movie felt distinctly like a full-length movie, but people still referred to it as “three episodes stuck back to back?” You just can't escape it. It wouldn't matter if their first film had been 12 Years A Slave, people would have still stuck K&P gifs into their recaps.*

You gonna kidnap Chiwetel Ejiofor** and make him a slave and think he's not gonna find a way to escape? YOU DONE MESSED UP, A-ARON!

**I can now spell Chiwetel Ejiofor without looking it up, which I think is a testament to how good Ejiofor has been in everything he's done that this is now the case.

Ranking Every Movie I Saw in 2016, #28: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Ranking Every Movie I Saw in 2016, #28: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

With this one, we've moved up a level from “movies I don't really recommend” to “films I enjoyed but ultimately felt were a little undercooked or slightly underwhelming.” The sort of film that sort of hides in the back of your mind and you aren't sure how you felt about it until you catch part of it again a year or two later and you say either, “you know, I really like this! This really grew on me,” or “I can't believe how little I am enjoying this,” with really no in-between.*

*My best example of this is last year's Jurassic World, which I started rewatching and my opinion jumped from "what a fun bit of nonsense!" to "God, this movie is just interminable."