I actually sat down and finished two screenplays last night, and so I think I deserve a little hard-earned respect, huh? Thank you.
I re-wrote the coffeeshop piece, now tenuously titled "Hating the Player and the Game." Since I was struggling creatively, I thought it would be better if I found a new location and maybe then sat down to work. After all, I finished my eight-minute script while sitting in the noonday sun in the middle of a travelling carnival that had set up right outside my building. Water loss + bright colors + loud music = creativity, but it's the sort of creativity that doesn't read that well when you look it over that night ("Why did I write in so many dream sequences? Why did I decide that so many of the characters should speak Portuguese?"). I figured a change would do me good. I tried to get up on the roof, but the door was alarmed (in answer to your question, no, it wasn't trial-and-error. I read the sign. I have some sense). So, instead, I wrote the next draft in my bathtub. I heartily recommend it as a writing strategy. Lots of people have written great works in their bathtubs, like that sick guy who was murdered after the French Revolution. Marat. Everyone remembers him. So it's a great approach.
I also re-wrote "Stage Three," which was later re-titled "Wednesday night," and is currently called "Apology." I'll be posting that one soon enough. It's pretty rough right now, but I'm very excited about it as a visual story. It's got some real potential.
If you'd care to take a look at the new screenplay and give me your comments, here it is. Let me know what you think.