This is a long post that became a very long post, which in turn became a dissertation of a post, which in turn became a number of smaller but still sizeable posts. This is the introduction to the introduction of those posts, and so I'm sure you're tempted to stop right here rather than read further. But you can't. You can't stop.
I've been developing this theory for quite a while. I feel that it's finally time to unveil it.
This could change everything.