WRITINGS & NEWS
Kevin put up pictures from NAB, and I pulled one that showed more accurately than anything I put up what NAB is like:
2 million square feet of convention space, and all of it looks like this. As Kevin noted in his blog, it was a pretty exhausting. I kept trying to find places to sit down, so I sat through a couple extremely boring demonstrations in order to just rest my feet.
Alright, here's what the Vegas adventure looked like:
My hotel room and flight were booked on Thursday night, and Monday night I found myself at the Signature at the MGM Grand. HD TV, polished wood details, complete kitchenette (blender and toaster! Has anyone ever stayed at a hotel and said to themselves "if only I had a blender here, that would be something!"), and all the other comforts of home. Not my home, of course, someone's home much nicer than mine.
Much, much nicer. Notice the completely useless glass divider separating the couch from the bed. I tried to think of a good reason for this divider and could not.
"Say, mind if I stay up and read?"
"Go ahead. With this glass divider between us, the light won't bother me."
Plus, it had a little TV in the bathroom so I could watch "Family Guy" or ESPN highlights while showering. I now cannot use a bathroom without constantly being entertained. I can't go back. I won't.
The problem with events like this is that when the floor closes at 6 every night, the 100,000 people at the conference try to become the 100,00 on the monorail back home. Here's what that looks like in the maddening crush to get on the monorail.
And here's what that looks like once you get inside.
After our first day at the conference, we took a couple cabs over to Fremont Street to see the sights. Kevin and I recorded the event for posterity.
There, we took the sort of pictures that last a lifetime of blackmail.
It looks a lot like an album cover, doesn't it? One of those CDs in a record store where you say "who would buy that?"
People weren't kidding about that light show. That thing was a sight to see.
NAB is a strange place. There's people in motion capture suits performing in digital environments.
Also, models hired to sit in stage-like environments and pretend to talk to each other for eight hours abound. I remained perpetually weirded out by this, since viewers are given the option to operate the surrounding cameras and zoom in to extreme close ups on the models faces, and then make suggestive comments (that's probably not what the cameras are there for, but sometimes it was hard to tell) . You haven't seen awkward until you've seen a bored, tired out model being unsubtly hit on by dozens of paunchy gentlemen in polo shirts.
Both this and important multi-million dollar purchasing decisions are helped along by the presence of beer carts.
But nothing trumps the weirdness of the Technologies For Worship stage, which had a full-time worship band playing "This Is Our God" to an audience of no one. I had never once seen someone play a worship set so that people could see how it looks on camera and how the in-ears work. Words can't describe it. It would be like someone putting an entire church on a stage and having everyone worship just so people in the audience could stand back and say "so that's what worship looks like with the True Color lighting system."
Well, that's all I was able to document. I tried to get pictures of some of the other more interesting bits - the largest HD television in the world, Ultra-HD, and the habit of vendors hiring extremely attractive girls to demonstrate their equipment. Let me just say that while I completely understand this system and agree that it is very effective, when I have a camera question, I want to talk someone who has operated that camera and is very familiar with its mechanisms, not someone who memorized a set of talking points over the weekend. Panasonic, I'm looking at you here, since you're the group that took this one step further and also hired what appeared to be the cast of an all-male revue to bring in the 7% of conference attenders who are women. I could not find a single person who knew what they were talking about at your booth.
One way or another, I'm extremely glad I went to NAB this year - I got to run into a few old classmates and go out to dinner with a few of my old professors. I learned how to play blackjack well (though, unfortunately, not in time to help myself), and best of all, I finally got to see Vegas for the first time. All in all, a pretty good week of work.
I’ve returned from the National Association of Broadcasters Conference in Las Vegas, and here’s what I learned: there is a very, very exact dress code allowed at the NAB. What you wear makes a powerful statement about who you are, and there are only 4 acceptable outfits available.
I tried to get pictures of each, but people at the convention may be awfully used to cameras, but they are decidedly not used to people take their picture with a camera phone. I'm sure you're imagination will take you there, though - here’s what each NAB outfit says about you.
1. Dark blue suit, striped power tie. Hair optional but not recommended. Wire-rimmed glasses preferable. This says:
“I am an important business executive wandering aimlessly through the Convention halls quizzically looking at satellite dishes for something I can recommend purchasing to justify my spending $6,000 to travel to this convention.”
(alternate)
“I am a Japanese CEO who has inexplicably flown from Tokyo to Las Vegas to look at Sony flatscreen televisions.”
2. Dark blue suit, pastel dress shirt, no tie. Those without a Blackberry Pearl or an overly quick walking pace need not apply. This says:
“As you can see from my gutsy decision to not wear a tie, I am a creative executive type. The wave of the future! I will be making a number of uniformed, passionate decisions over the course of this convention, all of which will be disregarded by my boss over there squinting at that satellite dish.”
It is not wise to stand too near these individuals, as they will constantly having short, loud conversations with people on their Pearls ironing out the details of important decisions that will be overturned in 48 hours, as soon as the paperwork is filed.
3. Dark-toned polo shirt with stitched logo on the left, tucked into dark-toned, pleated Dockers. This one is the most terrifying, because it says:
“Allow me to engage you in a conversation about color timing!”
Do not attempt to sidle away from these individuals, as they will attempt to follow you, which will signal to other polo shirts that a conversation about color timing is taking place. Once they smell blood in the water like that, there’s no getting away.
4. Lightly-patterned dress shirt tucked into Levis. Out-of-style sneakers - especially New Balance - preferred. Small wirebound notebook for confused note-taking a must.
“Hey, my church let me fly out here to learn things about media! Care to explain your product very slowly?”
You’re sure to see these individuals constantly texting and calling back to their church pastors to tell them that they are learning an awful lot and traveling to Vegas was a very excellent investment. Here's one right here:
You'll notice behind him you can see a Category One calling back to inform the Senior VP that they'll be purchasing a satellite dish that afternoon.
A fun game to play is to walk around the Convention Center and count people who don’t fall at least roughly into one of these categories. If you discount vendors, you can make it a good 15 minutes. Even counting vendors, you’re sure to make it at least ten.
I’ll try to post more tomorrow before I leave for New Hampshire. More pictures to come.
I'll be out of commission for a bit, but I'll be sure to post some pictures in the next week or two. Here's my current lineup for where I'll be the next week and a half:
Tonight I leave for Dallas, I'll be returning late Saturday/early Sunday in time to work the early morning services. Monday I hop a flight to Vegas for the NAB (National Association of Broadcasters) Show, which can be scoped out here. You better believe that I'll be going to the sessions with Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse ("Lost"), and Barry Sonnenfeld's ("Pushing Daisies," Men In Black).
Thursday night I fly back, and then Friday I fly home for the christening of my goddaughter, Emily, and then I'm finally back on Monday night.
In the meantime, here's my current favorite xkcd:
