Worst Dwayne Johnson Trailer?

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson has had an interesting career. A former WWE wrestler - including a brief stretch as household name in that profession - he gracelessly transitioned into a film career, playing in quick succession  a bounty hunter, a former US soldier bent on ending corruption in his small town, a character in a movie based off a video game no one had played in 10 years, and (twice) a large half-man-half-scorpion. Not exactly a John Cazale-type run there.

However, Johnson has now reinvented himself as a family movie star. After appearing in Gridiron Gang as the tough-love coach of a juvenile detention football team, he followed it up with The Game Plan, where an arrogant, self-absorbed quarterback discovers he has a precocious 8-year-old daughter with an old girlfriend, and he must learn to get over his love of himse.... well, you get the idea. I haven't seen the movie, but I'm assuming at the end the girl comes up with a trick play involving glitter or something that wins them the Super Bowl.

It was at about this time that movie execs realized "man, The Rock will do anything." And so The Game Plan was followed by disasters like Race To Witch Mountain and now, these two movies.

I was in a theater over the weekend where these two trailers played back-to-back - it was almost too much pain for one man to humanly handle. I was gasping for air by the end.  First up is Tooth Fairy, where an arrogant, self-absorbed hockey player (guess who) is punished for his non-belief in magic by being forced to serve as a tooth fairy for a short time.

Second is Planet 51, where an arrogant, self-absorbed astronaut finds himself on an alien planet where - wait for it - wait for it - he's considered the alien.

Embedding was disabled, but here's the link.

I was gonna do a whole post about voting for the "Worst Trailer Of The Year," but then I realized that it's pretty much down to these two. So go ahead and vote: which one of these trailers is the Worst Trailer of the Year?

 

 

The 50 Funniest States

I was at the Renaissance Festival last weekend, and so I did Ren Fest-type things. I ate food on a stick. I made fun of people wearing bad costumes. I bought a sword (yeah!). And I went to see the mud show. Love the mud show.

Naturally, the mud show was exactly the same as last year (mud shows don't change much), except for one line that changes at each show, when one of the actors declares to an audience member "I love you with a love that's illegal in 49 states - thank God for Alabama!" Except, of course, it's not always Alabama. Sometimes it's Tennessee, or Georgia. Because these states are funny, for a variety of reasons, both in rural identity and general amusement factor of its population. Which made me wonder, what's the funniest state?

Let's say you had a generic joke, for which the punchline was "Well, I guess that's the case - unless you're from (name of state)!" Or perhaps one where it was "Well, that's not the way I ever did it - but then, I'm from (name of state)." What would the funniest state to put in that slot? I thought about it for a while, and here's what I've come up with.

1. New Jersey
2. Alabama
3. Minnesota
4. North Dakota
5. Alaska
6. Kentucky
7. Texas
8. Georgia
9. California
10. Tennessee
11. West Virginia
12. Mississippi
13. Vermont
14. Idaho
15. Utah
16. Rhode Island
17. South Dakota
18. Louisiana
19. Florida
20. Virginia
21. South Carolina
22. New York
23. Delaware
24. North Carolina
25. New Hampshire
26. Iowa
27. Arizona
28. Indiana
29. Maine
30. Oklahoma
31. Connecticut
32. Montana
33. Wyoming
34. Arkansas
35. Ohio
36. Wisconsin
37. Nevada
38. Illinois
39. Kansas
40. Massachusetts
41. Maryland
42. Oregon
43. Nebraska
44. Missouri
45. Colorado
46. Michigan
47. Pennsylvania
48. New Mexico
49. Hawaii
50. Washington

Scientific Breakdown: It turned out there was almost nothing funny about Washington. Weird, right? There's a giant differential between North Dakota and South Dakota, because North Dakota turned out to be much funnier, while the Carolinas were much closer together. Arizona got a huge jump on New Mexico, because "Arizona" is so much funnier to say, and New Mexico is really a one-joke state.

Why is Ohio so much funnier than Michigan? I don't know. But it just is.

This was fun. I might do another one.